Win-Win

I have news, guys. Well, more of an update than news, really. But I’m bored and, let’s face it, all we have is time these days so I’m making this as dramatic as I possibly can. (…Cue pulling of fire alarm…) Anyhoo, now we’re all back in doors and the firemen are away…to my news! …

Virtual Smirtual!

SO. Suffice it to say, 2020 has not been quite as advertised. Going into the second week of ‘social distancing’ and general quarantine-esque…ness, I am learning lots of things about myself that all point in the same unsurprising direction: I was not designed for isolation. I suspect I maaaaay not be alone in this. (That …

Ursula the Unsung

  I have a spicy hot take, guys. It’s not particularly new or original but I’m going to tell you about it anyway. Because, despite the fact I’ve only recently come to this pointless and slightly rushed conclusion, it is a hill I am 100% ready to die on and it is thus: Ursula the …

“Trust me – I’m a Chef…”

Ah, the dealbreaker. That cringey, terrible moment when you realise that the threshold for what you think you can put up with in another human being turns out to be embarrassingly low. Because it will inevitably be a low bar. You won’t be knee-deep into your umpteenth date before discovering they think that women should …

So You’ve Been Fringed…

The Edinburgh Fringe. That heady time of year when the city’s population quadruples and for an entire month you spend every second you’re outside treating poor unsuspecting flyerers like they’re war criminals. I know, I know – it seems unreasonable of me to be a Fringe crank and, in many ways, it is. To have …

Restroom? Try Bestroom!

I was out having a wee dance on Saturday night for a pal's birthday and it reminded me of a question that I've wondered about on more than one occasion. And that question is: what is it like in men’s bathrooms on nights out in bars. Not for, like, a pervy reason or anything - …

Quit Kitten Around

I’m not going to lie to you, the last few weeks have been pretty rough on the old ‘online dating’ front. Ok, that’s not strictly true – nothing bad actually happened. Basically I decided to dip a toe back into the online pool before being reminded that, for the most part, it’s kind of just …

Pulling the Plug: A Salsa Snafu

On the back of all those films about people taking up a dance class and discovering that they: Had a heretofore unknown talent for the mooooves Met the hot, flexible, sartorially-blessed person of their dreams and Danced their way through all the problems in their life I, alongside two friends (who’d never had the pleasure …

Of Peaks & Polyamory

So, after a bit of a break from the trials and tribulations of online dating, I decided to bite the bullet, get back on the horse, and use as many metaphors as humanly possible whilst doing so. I won’t lie, it’s been worth it for no other reason than I’ve managed, in a shockingly short …

Never Will I Ever…

I went to my first properly traditional hen party recently. It was old-school and chock full of inflatable penis’ (peni?), karaoke, dares, dodgy dancing and drink. The bride wore a Pound Land veil, the hens were bedecked in sashes and the prosecco was helpfully decanted through an apparently endless array of penis straws. It was …